Summary
One Sentence Summary
NLP is a broad basket of general mental well being, but will unnecessary extra steps that would easily be obtained from real-life experience. CBT goes further in depth on how to actually change your beliefs to change your actions, and is practical.
One paragraph Summary
What is the foundational knowledge required for me to learn this?
- None! Lol, or at least a basic understanding in how our beliefs influence our actions
What ACTIONS/HABITS will I partake after reading this book?
What Questions do I have after reading this book?
What Phrase(s) can I add/validate to my mantras?
Part 1: Introducing NLP
Chapter 1: Getting to know NLP
Summary
NLP is all about having the right attitude towards life that will enable you to create the right adaptable mental model from which you move through life not by responding to the world around you, but by responding to your model or map of the world.
Notes
NLP is the study of the structure of subjective experience and art and science of communication.
NLP enables you to understand what makes you tick, how you think, how you feel, and how you make sense of the world around you.
Here are a few more definitions of NLP:
- The key to learning
- The manuel for your brain
- The secret of successful people
- The method of creating your own future
These are the four pillars of NLP:
- Rapport
- Sensory Awareness
- Outcome Thinking
- Behavioral Flexibility
NLP offers a model from which you can learn from someone who’s really good at what they do; you discover how to model anyone you admire.
According to NLP, you move through life not by responding to the world around you, but by responding to your model or map of the world.
Side Note: How do we know if this model accurately represents reality? Is that where CBT comes in?
A fundamental assumption of NLP is that the “map is not territory” and that each individual has different maps of how the world operates. In other words, two people may experience the same event, but with different interpretations.
NLP does not change the world, rather it helps you change the way you observe your world.
Side note: “Seek not to change the world, for it is a fleeting thing, ever changing, and beyond thy grasp. Seek instead to change thy self, and thou shalt find true power and inner peace.”
The NLP approach is that you learn best by finding someone else who already excels at whatever you want to learn. Then, by modeling them, you can update your map.
If your attitudes don’t support you in living richly rewarding life, you may want to consider changing them.
Many people spend a lot of time looking at the negatives in their lives (what they hate or complain about), but by conditioning yourself to concentrate on what you do want, positive results can be achieved quickly.
NLP thrives with two key attributes:
- curiosity/humility
- accepting you don’t know all the answers
- Willingness to be confused
- Life is absurd
Above all else, have fun! Take your work seriously, but hold good humor on yourself
Chapter 2: Some Basic Assumptions of NLP
Summary
NLP operates on the assumption that people interpret the world through their mental maps of meaning; we become what we think about.
Notes
One of the NLP assumptions is “the map is not territory”, meaning that the internal map we create of the external world that’s shaped by our unique experiences is never an exact replica of the map made by someone else perceiving the same surroundings as you.
In other words, what’s outside can never be the same as what’s inside your brain.
The map acts as a filter through which we observe the natural world around us.
The result of this personal filter is that everyone has a very individual map of the world (see point #7 on the certainties of life.)
This means:
To communicate better, understand the mental map of the person(s) you’re speaking to
We respond to life in accordance with the map we develop; this map is based on our beliefs, attitudes, memories, and cultural upbringing.
The right mental map can make accepting failure (and hence growth) more tolerable
No matter how honorable or well-intentioned your communication is, the success of the interaction depends on how the listener receives the message, and not what you intend
This means the onus of effectively communicating is on you. If the person misunderstands, it’s your fault, and this is good, because YOU have the flexibility to do things differently through your behavior and words.
Chapter 3: Discovering Who’s Directing Your Life
Summary
You can change beliefs with repetitive affirmations, because repetition is the mother of mastery.
Notes
This chapter focuses on the power of the unconscious mind.
The key to bringing your unconscious mind into alignment with your conscious desires and goals is understanding the strengths of each part and how they work.
What prevents us from fulfilling our potential are the closely held beliefs that we hold deep in our psyche.
Similar to how the law of attraction works, your unconscious can’t process negatives; it interprets everything you think as a positive thought. This is why stating your goals in the positive is important.
In order to direct the unconscious mind, you get to open up communication channels between your conscious and unconscious minds. This rapport is developed through quiet meditation and examining the memories presented to you by your unconscious mind.
Part of the function of the unconscious mind is to repress memories with unresolved negative emotions.
Another function of the unconscious mind is to present repressed memories for examination in order to release trapped emotions.
Unfortunately, the unconscious mind doesn’t always pick the most appropriate time to present a memory to be examined–otherwise known as “leaking out” in unintended ways.
There’s a section of this book that focuses on phobias.
Your values and beliefs are unconscious filters that you use to decided what bits of data coming through your senses you pay attention to and what bits of data you ignore.
This means that the unconscious 9/10ths of your brain has been sitting there on the quiet, building up all sorts of beliefs and making all sorts of decisions about you and your environment, and you’re not even aware of them.
Be aware of the limiting beliefs that lurk within your unconscious mind.
The good news is that beliefs can and do change (change is the only constant).
You can change beliefs with repetitive affirmations, because repetition is the mother of mastery.
Chapter 4: Taking Charge of Your Life
Summary
This chapter talks about setting goals with an enhanced version of SMART goals.
Notes
Rather than playing the blaming game, ask yourself, “what’s the lesson that I need to learn so that this problem is no longer an issue?”; this is called the “outcome” frame, and it’s the most constructive framework within NLP from which we may find the right solution.
NLP builds on SMART goals by making you use all your senses to design a goal, and to fine tune it to be more than just the markers of smart.
So, in addition to the SMART criteria:
- Specific
- Measurable
- Attainable
- Realistic
- Time-bound
NLP includes additional questions to answer:
- Is the goal stated in the positive?
- Is the goal self-initiated, maintained, and under my voluntary control?
- You cannot wish for someone else to change, nor can you change for someone else
- To what extend does the outcome rely on just YOU?
- Does the goal describe the evidence procedure?
- When do you know you’ve achieved the goal?
- How do you know you’re getting the desired outcome?
- What will you be doing when you get it?
- What will you see, hear, taste, smell, and feel when you have it?
- Is the context of the goal clearly defined (the “why?”)?
- Does the goal Identify the necessary resources?
- Have I evaluated whether the goal is ecological?
- In your own ecological context, does the goal fit your style and who you are?
- What will you gain or lose if you win?
- What will happen if you get it?
- What will NOT happen if you get it?
- What will happen if you DO NOT get it?
- what will NOT happen if you DO NOT get it?
- Does the goal identify the first step I need to take?
- The journey of a thousand steps begins with one step
Part 2: Winning Friends and Influencing People
Chapter 5: Pushing the Communication Buttons
Summary
Your values set the standard for your actions, while your beliefs set the stage from which you act upon those values. Your attitude balances out differences between your values and beliefs. A most of good communication involves keeping cool and being aware of your internal state.
Notes
NLP tells us that we, as individuals, are responsible for 100% of the communication of a conversation
The specific key term for communication using NLP is called the “NLP Communication Model”. But really, it’s no different than recognizing your internal state (what emotions you’re feeling during conversation, or right before) and your internal processes (your self-talk, images, etc.).
Master communicators have four things in common:
- They know what they WANT
- They’re very good at noticing the subtle responses they get (especially non-verbal)
- They have flexibility to modify their behavior and “play the game” until they get what they want
- They keep their cool
People can change their behavior patterns depending on the environment and context in which they find themselves (e.g. everyone is alpha, until they need a root canal done)
Values vs beliefs vs attitudes? What’s the difference (according to NLP)?
- Values
- These are what motivate you or stop you from taking action towards your desires
- Beliefs
- These are the habitual narratives we tell ourselves about how ourselves, other people, and the world around us
- Attitudes
- Your emotional state of mind towards a given subject
- Based on your values and beliefs
For example, you value honesty and seek to always tell the truth (value), yet your narrative about other people may be that they are dishonest most of the time (belief), which leads you to hold a negative attitude toward other people for not living up to your honest standard (attitude), or perhaps one of indifference (people are people).
Your values may be in conflict with the narrative (belief) you hold about yourself, other people, and the world around you; attitude is the seed through which you reconcile these differences.
Chapter 6: Seeing, Hearing, and Feeling Your Way to Better Communication
Summary
This chapter is all about Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic preferences of people.
Notes
This chapter is all about Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic preferences of people.
Chapter 7: Creating Rapport
Summary
This chapter has broad content that can easily be replaced with books like, “How to win friends and influence people”, “Verbal Judo”, “How to talk to anyone”–just to name a few.
Chapter 8: Understanding to Be Understood: Meta Programs
AT THIS POINT, I stopped reading the book, because after skimming the remain pages, I realized that (1) NLP is too broad and abstract for practical use (2) There are books that are more concise with practical tips.