Summary

One Sentence Summary

One paragraph Summary

What is the foundational knowledge required for me to learn this?

What do I hope to learn AND take ACTION on after reading this book?

What brought you to reading this book? How did you hear about it?

• I read this book after Patrick-Bet David mentioned he and his current wife read the book together before getting married

What are my assumptions before reading this book?

Reading Comprehension questions from ChatGPT

What ACTIONS/HABITS will I partake after reading this book?

What Questions do I have after reading this book?

What Phrase(s) can I add/validate to my mantras?

Warning–Never Marry (or get engaged to) a Stranger

A lot of headache comes simply because people don’t ask enough questions.

Better now than Later

One question to consider is “How is yor acquaintanceship?” The longer and better you know someone before marriage, the greater the likelihood of marital satisfaction.

Some of these questions are going to be uncomfortable.

You can either ask the uncomfortable questions now and get the answer today, or not ask and discover the answers later. It’s your choice.

Don’t Ignore the Red Flags

The perfect person does not exist. Everything is found in degrees of compromise. “Can I live with this, or can I accept that?”.

Ask questions of anyone you date and store their answers in your memory bank to see if the answers continue to be consistent with their actions.

• Build a real relationship but stay out of bed
• pray together
  • when couples prayed together on a daily basis, less than 1% of those couples would end up getting a divorce. The numbers were 1 out of 1156. (Source: Faithful Attraction, by Andrew Greeley)
  • http://drstoop.com/the-couple-that-prays-together/
  • Yet, only about 4% of Christian couples pray together on a daily basis
• Have similar values
• Notice how they treat their pets

If you have to talk yourself into it…

Think twice.

Real Potential

Many couples talk themselves into engagement because they focus on what the other person could become, rather than who they are right now.

“The key to a happy relationship is two happy people”–Naval Ravikant

But if you believe in the possibilities of what could be, rather than focusing on what actually is, then the problem is not the other person–it’s you!

You cannot change people, you can only accept them as they are, and then, choose to grow or split. It’s that simple.

Every Morning at Breakfast

Please consider the following suggestions:

• If you have mixed feelings about engagement, don’t!
• Dating is one thing, life-long commitment is totally separate
• Don’t feel pressure from society nor your biological clock
• Identify the non-negotiables in your marriage before engagement, not after
• Don’t plan on a marriage fixing your current problems; it only compounds them
• Don’t live together before marriage

101 Questions to Ask

1. What makes it easy for you to be open and vulnerable? What makes it difficult?
2. What do you believe are the five elements that make marriages work? 0. The key to a happy relationship is two happy people
   1. Health
      • Good sleep
      • Exercise
      • Healthy food
      • Time alone, prayer, meditation, scripture
      • Time with friends and family
      • Time with each other
   2. Communication
      • Conflicts
        • Confront issues as they arise.
        • Nothing swept under the rug–if something is bothering you, write it down, if you find yourself writing the same thing over and over again, then let’s talk about it
        • Starting with the facts
        • Clear, blunt, straightforward communication so that we have time to go back to our other, more pleasant, activities.
        • Going in, seeking truth, rather than “wins”–starting each discussion with “there’s a chance I’m wrong…help me understand…”
      • Responsibilities
        • Who is responsible for what?
      • Goals
        • Progress reports. What’s our goal, where are we in relation to that goal, and what are we going to do to get closer to that goal?
        • What does the perfect marriage look like, and how are we going to get there?
          • If it’s expensive, are you okay if I spend more time at work than with the family?
   3. Humility
      • Wiling Sacrifice
        • Going in, knowing we’ll have to make hard choices, but not to hold any resentments in any choice we end up deciding to go with
      • Decisions
        • Making choices that maximize the opportunities for the next 5 choices (thinking 5 steps ahead)
      • Routine/habits
        • Doing the required routine, regardless of how we feel about it
        • Sticking to the communicated plan, unless a new opportunity increases the quality of our next 5 moves
   4. Positive attitude
      • Humor
      • Playfulness
      • Positivity
   5. Intimacy
      • Going on dates
      • Time together (talking, enjoying an activity or film, etc.)
      • Sex
      • Touch
      • T.E.A.M.S.